Alright, up early again to meet with my trainer who kicked my ass! We did an obstacle course type circuit this morning and boy was it a good workout! Started with a weighted ball, I threw it down as hard as I could and picked it back up crunching my abs with each lift for 10 times, then I run to the ropes and pick them up and lift each side for 10 seconds, then over to the burpies (I can't even explain... but KILLER) then onto the mountain climbers for 10 reps and back to the ball. Oh man, 25 minutes of that plus 15 on the bike and 5 of straight abs... I'm dying!!
So, other then what I normally talk about weight loss, exercise, meeting my NYR. I came across some poetry that I wrote when I was about 16. I'd like to share it but I don't really relate with that girl anymore. Things have changed so much for me, I used to be really into drugs and alcohol and really depressed. I was a bad kid and my life wasn't pretty. So I want to warn you that most of these are pretty ugly....
A Poem With No Name:
June 14, 2006
He came in
and poisoned her
forced the vial down her throat
eating her insides out
he tied down her arms and
sliced her blue veins red
he hurt her in so many ways
she though crazy slut was her name
sex isn't supposed to leave you with blood stained sheets and a half hour
of tears
he raped her of every piece of
dignity she had
putting it on display
and morphing her mind
to think wrong
was right
because she was so fucked
she didn't know anymore
she was lost inside of her mask
fell so far down the hole
no hand could help her out
he penetrated every bruise with 1000 needles
poking at her until she had no blood left to spill
and she died
laying on her own blood stained bed
and when the found her
she claimed she was still alive
because she thought she was.
**********************************************************************************
January 30, 2007
"Where I'm from"
I'm from green leaves
and words that sting worse than a rusty nail
as they pierced my heart and twisted their way
to the surface
I'm from fucked up relationships
Shakespeare couldn't even comprehend
I'm from empty 40's that filled me with drunken regrets
and never ending blunts waiting to
numb my present feelings
but the Novocaine wasn't strong enough
and the roach is burning from
my lungs to my finger tips
and I cant understand why the thought
of death
lingers in the air
along with the stale cigarette stench
and they say I haven't changed
my mind is going a mile a minute
but your still the same girl
you just cant seem to accept the fact that
you haven't really changed
and I just want to fall into that black hole and not wake up
and I paint my face to forget what my heart
looks like but the pain
seeps through my eyes
and they look dull
and they say I'm pessimistic
but the pessimist is everyone else
I'm going somewhere
away from where I am from and where I have been
for so long
**********************************************************************************
My past wasn't always pretty and I did things that I am not proud of but its a part of my story so I accept it and move on.
**********************************************************************************
Sometime in 2006
"Bonnie and Clyde"
My finger tips icy
as cold as my frozen heart
I sucked the alcohol from his lips
leaving him passed out and dry
I smoked away death
and gazed at the street lights
letting the rain him my eyelashes
smearing black streams down my red cheeks
I twisted the handle of trust
walking right into the warm room
He was lifeless as dead rotted fruit
We took every piece of dignity he ever had
burning him to ashes
He looks at me and smiles
We took his parents vows
his hard days work
and finished him off with the liquor cabnit
we walk out of the door
my heels sinking in the gravel road
he looks into my eyes and kisses my cheek
whispers I love you and grabs my hand.
**********************************************************************************
Alright, I think that's enough for one day! Shit, maybe even a whole year. When I found these yesterday it shook me to my core. I think that sometimes you just need a reminder of where your from, to see how far you have really come. It was a blessing in disguise.
<3 Arielle
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