This weekend was rough, definitely didn't loose anything this weekend! Hopefully my hard work in the gym this morning is going to pay off. I feel dead! I did 30 minutes with my trainer and then 65 minutes at hot yoga, where I pretty much just laid there dying.
Saturday, Blake's biological father decided to come over and see Blake for the first time in months. We went to the park and they played for a bit. Who knows when the next time that will happen but I suppose its better then nothing. He is still young, and selfish. He only thinks about how things benefit him and that obviously makes it hard to be a parent. Although he has child support and daycare to pay (he doesn't pay it) he would rather only work a few hours a week and then still have time to volunteer to coach several football teams and go out with his friends every night. He doesn't understand that as a parent you have to think about your child above everything else. I couldn't imagine being in his position and making those same decisions. Its a tough situation, and I have a 16 years and 10 more months to deal with him...
Something else interesting happened this weekend... I heard from my ex, who I happen to have stayed very good close friends with. A few months ago I got mad at him and told him to get lost, well apparently he missed the baby and wants to be a part of our lives again... well I guess we will see how this goes too. Its funny how someone who isn't the biological father of my child loves and cares for him way more then his biological father does. I send Blake's biological father a picture of him and he doesn't say anything, no smiley face, no thanks, no I miss him. But, my ex will go as far as to ask me a for a picture of my baby and say "I miss him, send me a picture" and when I do I always get a reply of " :) he is a happy boy" or " :) cant wait to see him" its funny to me how my ex will come over with diapers or gifts for Blake, when he doesn't need to and we aren't together and he's not Blake's dad. When Blake's biological father couldn't care less what he needed, when his dad came over this weekend, I had to ask him to get down and play with him and to pay attention to him. My ex would be running around with him and just pick up Blake like it was no big thing, it just comes naturally. There's no denying it, I definitely wish that Blake's biological father was my ex, but he's not and I can't put any expectations on him because that would be wrong. Its just hard for me to accept that Blake's father is such a piece of shit. But I know and am confident that someday I will find some great guy that loves me and my son and will be a great father figure for him. Until then... THE SEARCH IS ON!
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