If you know my mother and I, you will know that we are oil and water. We do not mix well. I am the kind of person that needs to be around people all the time, I like to have a busy home and I enjoy being adventurous. My mother is the kind of person who prefers to stay inside and not leave the house on her day off. Growing up having friends over was always difficult, my mother doesn't like having company and didn't like me having sleepovers, because it is her home and she feels uncomfortable with other people around. In fact, about two months ago one of my best girlfriends and her live in boyfriend broke up. She didn't feel like staying at the house with him so I of course offered to let her stay at my house for the night. My mom has never been friendly to my friends, and my friends constantly ask me if she does not like them, or if they did something wrong, or offended her somehow. When we came back to my mom's house, she sat downstairs with us for about five minutes before excusing herself and going to bed. She turned to my friend and said "Do not bother me for any reason" in a completely serious tone, it was not sarcastic, it was not a joke. I can understand not wanting to be disturbed but I do not understand the need to be flat out rude to someone for no reason.
When I moved in my mom already didn't want Bella to come, she hated her. Now Bella sleeps in bed with my mom and they enjoy each other's company, she even told Bella she was going to miss her when she left for a weekend trip to Walla Walla. When I told my mother I was pregnant, she didn't talk to me for at least 3 days, maybe more. And now that I have Piper, in her home, she is angry. She doesn't like that Piper is the Alpha and takes Bella's toys, she says its "unfair" and that Bella is older so she should be the Alpha, I have explained to her that it doesn't work that way but she doesn't understand. She says I need to get rid of the puppy, which is something I have no intention of doing. I can understand why she is upset and that she was not the one who wanted two dogs, a daughter and a baby living with her. It sucks, I know she must feel really uncomfortable in her own home. Yet, I do not feel like I have a home. I am constantly reminded that this is not my house, my bedroom is her office, my son's bedroom is the guest bedroom, I am not to hang any pictures etc. I clean the house (religiously), I buy all the food, and I try my hardest to stay out of her way. I feel so stuck, I hate staying here. I wish that I had somewhere else to go, that I could afford to live on my own and be my own person and raise my son the way that I want to. Because did I mention, that almost everything I do for my son my mother contradicts. I don't want him to do something and my mother lets him, I tell him that he is being naughty, my mother tells him he is not being naughty. I reprimand him for doing something he is not supposed to and my mother coddles him. There is no doubt about it, I am tough. I stick to my guns and its hard. But its even worse when the other person in the house does exactly what you would never do. I plan on raising Blake very independently, I want him to be able to make his own decisions but they will have boundaries. I don't mind if he gets messy or accidentally draws on the wall because all these things can be cleaned and there is no point in getting in a huff over such a thing. Yet, if he draws on the wall he will have a time out because it is naughty and not the kind of behavior he is to exhibit. If it was up to my mother he would not have any crayons and not be allowed to color at all because, without a doubt he will end up coloring somewhere he is not to.
My problem now, and well its been a problem for quite sometime, is to learn to co-exist with my mother in a way that is healthy for all involved. My mom constantly says I am too selfish, and I do not see my self in that way at all, I think of myself as someone who cares about others too much. "Big heart syndrome" I am the first to take in a stray, or rescue a pet, give someone a place to stay, etc. ( Instead of volunteering at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving growing up I would take our left overs and find homeless people on the street and give them our left overs, at one point I had a big group of friends doing this with me. The other day I asked my mom if we could become foster parents... that obviously didn't go over well, and I'm not sure this would be the best environment anyway..) I am hoping that this week I can think of some good ways to try and co-exist with my mom, and if that fails... well it can't I have no where else to go. :/ I'll be back on later with my shampoo recipe, more on eating FRESH, and BPA free. I just had to get this off my chest.
<3 Arielle
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