"Don't quit five minutes before the miracle"

Blake had his first real therapy appointment on Friday afternoon. Nancy our "Coach" has been to the house several times but our other visits weren't actually therapy visits they were goal setting and assessments. So I was looking forward to making some type of progress. I had meant to do this post right after she left because I was feeling disappointed, and a bit frustrated but I just never got around to doing it.

Nancy showed up 25 minutes late with no call or text... irritating. I realize we all have busy lives and that everyone runs late sometimes, but its nice to get a heads up... We sit down and she asks me which goal I would like to focus on for the day. I decided to go with communication, since it is our biggest problem. 

I understand that she doesn't know Blake and his abilities, but she seemed completely unprepared. She observed for a bit, and they attempted to play with a puzzle that I had bought for Blake the week before. She came to the conclusion that he doesn't seem interested with things for too long. That he gives up and moves onto the next toy, before he figures out how to work it. He often paces from the kitchen to the family room without any real reason. He almost seems bored. Obviously, I know this since I am with him every day... what can we do to change this, is the question. Nancy seemed like she was worried that she wouldn't be able to come up with therapeutic activities that would hold his attention. She kept saying "Hmm, well I don't know about that." Okay, that's not really reassuring... 

About the only helpful, yet bothersome, idea that she came up with was baby talk. Yes, simple speech. She said that I talk to him like an adult, or like he is older, or understands more. I admit it, I talk "baby talk" to him sometimes, high pitched voice, silly talk etc. I just don't feel like saying "Baby want milk?" is beneficial, I say "Blake, would you like some milk to drink?" But, I'm not the expert. I always wait for Blake to answer me, even if he can't say yes or no, I can usually understand if he wants something or not. If he wants a food item he will say "num num" and if he wants something else he will put his arm out and make this awful whiny noise. We make it work. Its difficult and frustrating not knowing what he wants or why he is upset at this age when I see other kids able to express themselves more clearly. I wonder if a reason I was feeling burnt out before is because I don't feel like my son has been making any cognitive progress. Anyway, Nancy suggested that I use the "pausing" strategy for other activities; showing him how a toy works, diaper and clothing changes, etc. I am not sure how I can do that more, she said to me that many of the things that they suggest parents do, I already do. This gives me mixed feelings, first and foremost I am more frustrated. I am already doing and have been doing these techniques to help my son, yet I see no progress. So how is this woman going to help us any, if I am already doing the strategies, and techniques she came here to teach me. On the second hand, it makes me feel good that I naturally can do these things to help my son. 

The only real activity that Nancy and Blake did was blowing bubbles. She was trying to get Blake to say "more" when she stopped blowing the bubbles. "More" is a word that I have been trying to get Blake to say for a long time, since he was an infant. He will make an "Mmm" sound when reminded to say "more" but can not form the word. Nancy then decided we should schedule next week's appointment and that I needed to come up with a form of sensory play for him to do at the visit. She suggested dry rice in a bin for scooping. That was the only suggestion and she told me that it would be my job to think of the activity. This bothered me a bit, maybe I was just extra sensitive that day. Did I expect a miracle? I have worked in a Montessori preschool and took a year of Early Childhood Development so I know some sensory play techniques and use them often with Blake since its the only real bonding we can do. (He doesn't like me to initiate touch, so he doesn't like snuggling or hugging, sitting on  my lap etc.) I suppose I will work on planning an activity for us to do on Tuesday afternoon next week. 

I suppose I need to remember that good ol' saying "Don't quit five minutes before the miracle". It's something I used to hear all the time when I was first trying to get sober (7 years ago) and it's stuck with me. I know that if I continue to work with Blake daily and give it my best that we will see progress.

<3 Arielle

Homemade Shampoo

Coconut milk shampoo! As I promised in my post a few days ago... here is my shampoo recipe:

In a glass measuring cup pour in 7 oz of canned coconut milk. I used Thai Kitchen because it is pure coconut milk, water and sugar. No preservatives.( I could have made my own but lets face it, I'm not that dedicated... yet) I poured two oz of the castile soap and then an ounce of honey and a few drops of the pure coconut oil. I also added vanilla extract for the smell, but just a tad. I then stirred the mix and placed it in the microwave for 15 seconds. (The coconut milk can harden and separate when cooled so in order to make it a liquid just throw it in the microwave for a few seconds) Then pour into a dispenser of your choice. I bought the one above for .99 cents at World Market ( http://www.worldmarket.com/home/index.jsp?camp=ppc%3AGoogle%3ABrand_*Core%3Aworld_market&gclid=CNeo9se-urECFSc0Qgod6jQAXA)
I refrigerate after every use, but whether or not you would like to do that is up to you. I have left it out a night and it was fine.

Do not use this shampoo every day. It will not leave your hair with that squeaky clean feeling that you are used to with regular shampoo (that strips your hair of its natural oils). I have very long thick hair, running out of conditioner in the shower is usually my worst nightmare. I have not had to use conditioner once with this shampoo. If you feel you do need conditioner you can rinse your hair with apple cider vinegar or lemon juice. Also a hot oil mask works wonders. I prefer coconut oil (I am obsessed with coconut oil. I will have to dedicate a post just about how much I love it soon.) just put the coconut oil in a pyrex glass measuring cup and adjust to how long your hair is. I use about 4- 6 oz (I have a lot of hair!) and warm for about 25 seconds. Pour on your hair (CAREFULLY!) making sure to get all of it soaked with the oil, from ends to roots. Put a shower cap or saran wrap over your hair for about 30 minutes and then rinse off in the shower. It will take awhile to get out of your hair, but it will be so soft and luxurious after!

Again, if you are wondering why I have decided to do this you can go to: http://www.ewg.org/skindeep/ to look up the beauty products you are using and the corresponding health grade.

Not the best picture... doesn't do my hair justice, but to give you an example of what I mean when I say I have long/thick hair (currently past the middle of my back)

That's it for now.

<3 Arielle

Mommy Dearest...

As many of you know I currently live with my mom. Moving in with my mom was supposed to be a temporary thing after my ex and I broke up back in December of 2009... (yes that same ex that just moved out of my mom's house at the end of May)... I ended up pregnant in April (with my rebound's child, also a friend I have known since I was 5 years old) and well almost three years later here I am sitting in my mom's house writing this.

If you know my mother and I, you will know that we are oil and water. We do not mix well. I am the kind of person that needs to be around people all the time, I like to have a busy home and I enjoy being adventurous. My mother is the kind of person who prefers to stay inside and not leave the house on her day off. Growing up having friends over was always difficult, my mother doesn't like having company and didn't like me having sleepovers, because it is her home and she feels uncomfortable with other people around. In fact, about two months ago one of my best girlfriends and her live in boyfriend broke up. She didn't feel like staying at the house with him so I of course offered to let her stay at my house for the night. My mom has never been friendly to my friends, and my friends constantly ask me if she does not like them, or if they did something wrong, or offended her somehow. When we came back to my mom's house, she sat downstairs with us for about five minutes before excusing herself and going to bed. She turned to my friend and said "Do not bother me for any reason" in a completely serious tone, it was not sarcastic, it was not a joke. I can understand not wanting to be disturbed but I do not understand the need to be flat out rude to someone for no reason.

When I moved in my mom already didn't want Bella to come, she hated her. Now Bella sleeps in bed with my mom and they enjoy each other's company, she even told Bella she was going to miss her when she left for a weekend trip to Walla Walla.  When I told my mother I was pregnant, she didn't talk to me for at least 3 days, maybe more. And now that I have Piper, in her home, she is angry. She doesn't like that Piper is the Alpha and takes Bella's toys, she says its "unfair" and that Bella is older so she should be the Alpha, I have explained to her that it doesn't work that way but she doesn't understand. She says I need to get rid of the puppy, which is something I have no intention of doing. I can understand why she is upset and that she was not the one who wanted two dogs, a daughter and a baby living with her. It sucks, I know she must feel really uncomfortable in her own home. Yet, I do not feel like I have a home. I am constantly reminded that this is not my house, my bedroom is her office, my son's bedroom is the guest bedroom, I am not to hang any pictures etc. I clean the house (religiously), I buy all the food, and I try my hardest to stay out of her way. I feel so stuck, I hate staying here. I wish that I had somewhere else to go, that I could afford to live on my own and be my own person and raise my son the way that I want to. Because did I mention, that almost everything I do for my son my mother contradicts. I don't want him to do something and my mother lets him, I tell him that he is being naughty, my mother tells him he is not being naughty. I reprimand him for doing something he is not supposed to and my mother coddles him. There is no doubt about it, I am tough. I stick to my guns and its hard. But its even worse when the other person in the house does exactly what you would never do. I plan on raising Blake very independently, I want him to be able to make his own decisions but they will have boundaries. I don't mind if he gets messy or accidentally draws on the wall because all these things can be cleaned and there is no point in getting in a huff over such a thing. Yet, if he draws on the wall he will have a time out because it is naughty and not the kind of behavior he is to exhibit. If it was up to my mother he would not have any crayons and not be allowed to color at all because, without a doubt he will end up coloring somewhere he is not to.

My problem now, and well its been a problem for quite sometime, is to learn to co-exist with my mother in a way that is healthy for all involved. My mom constantly says I am too selfish, and I do not see my self in that way at all, I think of myself as someone who cares about others too much. "Big heart syndrome" I am the first to take in a stray, or rescue a pet, give someone a place to stay, etc. ( Instead of volunteering at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving growing up I would take our left overs and find homeless people on the street and give them our left overs, at one point I had a big group of friends doing this with me. The other day I asked my mom if we could become foster parents... that obviously didn't go over well, and I'm not sure this would be the best environment anyway..) I am hoping that this week I can think of some good ways to try and co-exist with my mom, and if that fails... well it can't I have no where else to go. :/ I'll be back on later with my shampoo recipe, more on eating FRESH, and BPA free. I just had to get this off my chest.

<3 Arielle

Filling you in...

Alright, well I've been MIA, but not for long. My plan is to switch back over to blogging so that I can free up my facebook from all my personal business, DIY projects, and money saving tips, etc.  Here's a quick catch up:

Ex boyfriend moved out at the end of May. We are not currently on speaking terms...
Still waiting to be swept off my feet and fall madly in love...
Got a temporary job, that is now over. Once again I find myself a "stay at home" mom.
Got a new puppy... a "Chuggle" Pug, Chihuahua, Beagle; her name is Piper.

And now for the more "intense" catch up:

If you are my facebook "friend" you will know that in the last few weeks my posts have been sort of depressing or different. Well, I was depressed. I was very upset. At my son's 18 month check up they diagnosed him with a developmental delay. They do not know what exactly is wrong with him, or why but that he will need therapy every week to try and get him to where he needs to be. His pediatrician recommended that I have Blake evaluated by a specialist at The Little Red Schoolhouse; a resource for parents and children with developmental disabilities living in Snohomish County. (You can read more about them here: http://www.littlered.org/) Two weeks ago Nancy from Little Red came to our home and did an intensive 2 hour evaluation with a speech therapist that works on her team. They came to the conclusion that my son is delayed in several different areas including; social-emotional, speech, cognitive and adaptability. I have had questions about my son's development for a very long time and expected this to be the outcome, yet I was devastated. No one wants their baby to be different, to be autistic or have a disability, whether it be seen or unseen. This completely threw me off. I could barley function, I ended up quitting my temp job because I couldn't even focus clearly at work. Everyone and everything bothered me. I wouldn't even pick up the phone to talk to my best friend. I didn't even tell Blake's bio dad until two days ago, to which he said "Well there's nothing you can do about it so you shouldn't be sad." must be easy to say for someone who doesn't ever see their child. In fact, he actually told me he didn't want to be a part of Blake's life anymore... not that I'm surprised or really care too much since he is a complete waste of a human being. I just wish Blake could have a strong male influence growing up... a whole different subject.

Anyway, somehow I was able to pull myself up from the depths of listening to "Turn The Page" on repeat (Cause I'm a HUGE Bob Seger fan...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fe7yOccqdxI) and focus on reality and cleaning my life up. We met with Nancy again a week later to come up with our Early Intervention Plan, goals for Blake to meet and become a better communicator. We will start therapy on this coming Friday where we will work on name recognition (because he rarely responds to his name) and anticipating everyday actions such as clothing and diaper changes. I will update you on how this goes after our session on Friday. I also decided that we needed to rid our lives of toxins, since we do not know the reasons behind Blake's delay I want to do everything possible to make sure its nothing environmental. My long term goal is to put him on the Autism, Asperger's, ADHD diet (you can read more about it here:http://www.autismweb.com/diet.htm) , but it takes a lot of work so I thought I would start slowly. Making homemade shampoo (Johnson's and Johnson's are a HUGE No, No! Read about it here: http://safecosmetics.org/downloads/NoMoreToxicTub_Mar09Report.pdf) was one of our first changes, followed by BPA free, and only eating FRESH which means if it doesn't go bad within a week, we won't be eating it.... On my next post I will tell you exactly how we eat "fresh", my shampoo recipe and becoming BPA free.

That's it for now. Someone's up from his nap!

<3 Arielle