Every year I make a New Years Resolution to loose weight, and it never happens. Its like I set myself up for failure just by thinking about dieting and when I say I'm on a "diet" by the end of the day I have eaten more or worse then I would have if I didn't say I was on one...
This year my NYR isn't to loose weight, its to change my lifestyle, completely. Since I am an avid list maker I wrote a list of my 2012 NYR's; 1. Buy only 2nd hand except for food and toiletries. 2. Live Healthy. 3. Save all $1.00 bills and change for Blake's savings account. 4. Deposit $100.00 from every paycheck into Blake's savings account. 5. Keep a detailed budget/money tracker. I suppose I could condense the list and say something along the lines of live simply but that would be far too vague for me as I can come up with an excuse for absolutely everything.
I figure I will be able to keep this years NYR because I have the resources to do so. I have become pretty thrifty by finding swaps for clothing,toys,gear etc. So I know that my son will have clothes no problem, and we already have enough toys for a whole tribe of children. Part of why I decided to do this is because of how out of control our Christmas was this year, we have already tried to tone it down by drawing names and setting a limit but we still do outrageous stockings and gifts for the kids. My one year old had over 20 things to open and was more interested in carrying a coaster around in his mouth the whole time. I was embarrassed and a little disgusted by our consumption, especially since most of his gifts came from me.
I have been living way above my means, I have a nanny, a house cleaner that comes 2 times a month, a brand new expensive phone, and am constantly buying things I do not need. Then when it comes time for my other bills I don't have the money. My credit score is horrifying. I realize that I have to find care for my son while I work, I am afraid to leave him with anyone I do not know and will absolutely not put him into a daycare facility. I thought about it and even went to visit a fancy big box daycare but was disappointed to see kids wandering around by themselves with snotty noses and food on their faces, hitting, biting and hair pulling all while the teacher was more interested in making sure I knew all about their curriculum. Not to mention their rates for 2 half days were the same as I pay the nanny ($10 an hour... $2 less an hour then I make...). This will by far be the biggest problem for me in regards to saving money. I have to find a way to make sure my son is safe and taken care of while I work for at most 35% of what I make. His father is supposed to be paying 50% of all daycare fee's but only paid the nanny 1 time before deciding it wasn't something he could "afford". Not to mention the child support he doesn't pay. So its up to me and that I am OK with, I know that I am the sole caregiver and breadwinner for my son. In order to live safe and comfortably we have to be uncomfortable for awhile, whether that means 5 minute showers, cheap diapers or second hand clothes that's what we are going to do. Keeping Blake safe is my #1 priority and it will always stay that way, so therefor no in-home daycare centers or anyone I do not know watching him period, end of story. Now, time to let the housekeeper go.... this sucks. I have been meaning to do this for awhile and she is set to come over on January 3rd, I didn't even have enough to give her a little Christmas bonus. She left a sweet Christmas card for Blake and I and a multi-purpose green housecleaning product as a present. I have never had to let anyone "go" before, I guess I just need to grow some balls and tell it like it is.
Living healthy, well this is the big one. In my eyes at least. I have gained a mouth dropping amount of weight in the last two years. Yes I had a baby but I was on the road to a train-wreck before I had him. I am uncomfortable in my own skin, I don't feel attractive or beautiful. I feel like when people look at me they are disgusted. I have ALWAYS gotten crap about my weight, it didn't matter if I was at my skinniest (117lbs) someone would always make a comment about how I could afford to loose a bit more. When I was in middle school the boys called me shamu, I wasn't huge, I was maybe at the most 10lbs overweight and when I look at pictures of myself then I couldn't imagine why they called me that. I had always been a troubled child, drinking and drugs at 11, boyfriend at 12, lost my virginity at 13. I was always running away, cutting myself, starting fights. I wasn't happy, I didn't think anyone liked me even though I had a bunch of friends. I turned to boys, I was one of those girls who got a boyfriend and then isolated myself and I was always into the bad boys, ones that cheated, did drugs and beat me up. Now that I have a child, it has really opened my eyes to things that I have done and do not want to repeat. I think that being honest about my past and the psychological reasons I gained weight will really help me to be motivated to loose the pounds. I know the kind of mother I want to be for my son and am doing all I can to be that person. Loosing weight and being healthy physically, emotionally and mentally is a top priority.
Now that you know entirely too much about my life I am going to go organize my junk drawer and clean out my closet, literally.
Here is to a brand new woman, a prosperous, thrifty, healthy, stable and happy 2012!
Arielle
